I have many foreign friends and when they visit Thailand they have always asked me the same question, to help find them a decent Thai woman. My first reaction is generally to laugh out loud, as I’m surprised to not only hear the same questions from different people, but that they are asking me to find them a girl from Thailand. Naturally, I follow by a quirky “nope!” as I don’t wish to introduce anyone of my own Thai girlfriends.
It is not because I’m a bad person, I have my reasons. Nor is it because decent Thai women are hard to find. It’s mainly due to the fact that I don’t know how serious these friends of mine really are? Whether they are ready for a relationship or whether they are actually interested in finding a long-term partner to love and to care for? Yes, you can call me protective; my girls need to be taken care of!
I haven’t heard the last of these requests. I do still get asked by all types of people, repeatedly. This question was quite a shock to be honest, the first time I was asked. Though now I’ve been asked so many times, this question has been bouncing around in my head. The question of why do foreigners like Thai women? Or even, why would foreigners choose Thai wives as their last lover of their lives? These are some big questions but not without merit. We’ve all heard about Thailand and the stories of Thai people being kind, humble, and loving to smile. But is that enough? Are these qualities enough to make foreigners fall in love with us and to stop their hearts wandering? Of course not!
I’ll be walking you through the reasons I believe Thai girls are unique, breaking this into 2 major parts:
The first part is the 5 major characteristics most Thai women possess. In my opinion these are worthy qualifications and are difficult to find from other nations.
The second part is to explore each of the 5 regions, unravelling the common themes and personalities you’re likely to find depending on the region one of our girls were born and raised.
I will also be giving you an insight into the deeper relationship questions you may have and also some pointers on dating do’s and don’ts and the pros and cons of being with Thai women.
THAI WOMEN ARE EUPHEMISTIC
For generations we girls have been taught to be polite and have good manners from birth. We have learned to speak softer and end our sentences very politely with the word “Kha”. As this is added to almost all our sentences, we’re almost always being polite. Though, it’s not like we don’t swear at all, we do! It’s just generally not in public places and would only use profanity with our close friends or whenever someone rubs us the wrong way like an unexpected encounter with rude Chinese tourists.
For most of us girls, our parents grew up in wooden houses and it was these wooden houses that we were raised in. Ever since we were little, we were asked to walk around the house slowly and softly. Essentially tip toeing. We weren’t allowed to run around and play loudly inside as the running would shake the house itself and the noise would pierce the thin walls disturbing everyone within. Even upstairs, we would need to walk with the balls of our feet placed down to the floor first, followed by our heels to not cause a ruckus. This is how we were asked to walk, unbeknownst we were being asked to catwalk around the bedroom during our childhood!
Our Thai culture teaches us that our head is the most sacred part of the body, where our feet are considered the most unclean and least important part. This is part of Thai etiquette and is ingrained not only in our brains but also in our behaviour. You should never see a Thai girl with our feet up high like on tables. I would say it is also rare to find one of us with our bottoms sitting on the table as we were told and grew up putting them where they belong – on chairs.
Thai girls are not only euphemistic in speech; it is part of our culture and reflects in our behaviour whether we are at home, or in public.
THAI WOMEN ARE AFFABLE
Thailand is often called the “Land of Smiles”, I believe this is not only due to the fascinating culture but also because of this country’s friendly people. Especially the women. Upon visiting our country you may have noticed how approachable and pleasant to talk to Thai girls can be. I’m not talking about specific tourist hot spots; I’m talking about the majority of Thai girls you would find if you were to travel this country, through all our 5 regions.
We tend to smile most of the time, with a positive outlook on life. Unless we’re having a really really bad day, of cause. If you’ve tried talking to us, whether it was to ask for directions or even a random conversation to practice your Thai. More times than not I bet one of us girls responded kindly and tried their best to help. If you’ve found some of us to back off or become very timid, please don’t be disheartened. The main reason is we’re just shy. It’s comes naturally to us.
Although it may not seem it, Thai women are affable. We’re friendly and easy to talk to. Don’t let language be a barrier between us, as a smile goes a long way and is universally understood. You might be lucky and get a few laughs in the process but be aware…
Thai Women’s Personality Traits
Thai girls have numerous personality traits and while some are endearing others can be deceptive and problematic.
Here are just a few of the many personality traits.
- The smile
A smile can mean many things and this is especially true of Thai Women. For you and me a smile usually means someone is happy or being playful but for a Thai Women a smile can not only tell a story it can also end a relationship or start a war.
There is the disproving smile, this one to some Westerners can look like a cheeky smirk but in Thailand it can relate the message that you’re in big trouble when you get home or it can let someone know that the Thai woman is not impressed with something you have done or said and doesn’t want to get into an argument about it in public so for now she lets her smile do the arguing but rest assured you will be in a world of trouble at a later point in time.
- A cool calm demeanour
Again this one leads on form the smile characteristic. Most Thais but especially Thai women do not like to show their emotions in public. Why make a show of yourself when you can just crack one of those smiles I mentioned and then go hell for leather when you are alone with your target.
- Thai Women say one thing but mean something completely different
This one is pretty standard for women the world over but a bit more relevant for Thai women. Back in the West you may ask a woman if she enjoyed a movie and she may say yes she did because she doesn’t want a long debate as to why she didn’t like a movie that you were practically worshipping. Now take that trait to the extreme and you have a typical Thai woman.
A Thai women will rarely if ever tell you something that she thinks will upset you, now this is all good and well if you’re in a two week relationship that’s probably going to end once you vacation but if you’re married to the woman and this is let to continue week after week after week then at some point that volcano will erupt and God or Buddha help you if you are not a safe distance from the melting point.
A prime first hand example of this is the following, my friend never let her boyfriend know that she really hated the way he Wai’d (a Thai greeting done to older people or people in positions that deserve respect like a monk or a teacher etc.
Now to Wai people in Thailand is normal and expected as it shows respect and not doing it to the right people at the right time can make you very unpopular very quickly. The problem with her boyfriend was that he did this to everyone. He did it to children, to waiters, to homeless people you name it he bowed and Wai’d them. Sometimes he would do it several times to the same person during the same meeting or conversation.
He thought he was being polite while she and everyone else thought he was either ignorant of Thai traditions or just a complete imbecile and she always just smiled at him with her disapproving smile or told him he was silly which he took as a term of affection. This went on for almost six months until one day she exploded and hit the poor boyfriend with a barrage of abuse which left him dumfounded and angry. He then proceeded to scream at her for not telling him his mistake sooner to which she erupted telling him he should have paid attention to everyone else and he would have noticed his overzealous delivery. The final outcome of this was not pleasant and let’s just say her new boyfriend doesn’t have the same issues.
- Loan = gift?
A Thai women will never remind you that she owes you something. Now this is not something malicious or underhanded it’s just the way it is. If you remind her then usually she will pay you back straight away but leave it to her and you can kiss your money or whatever else you loaned goodbye.
- Mai Pen Rai
This short little term is probably the most used term in Thailand and definitely the most used term by Thai Women. Simply translated it means don’t worry or no problem. Then again, the cool calm demeanour and can be delivered with the “smile”. When you hear this term you need to consider all the surrounding factors that led to this comment because while many times it really does mean no problem and the person is cool with whatever happened, many times it really means what people in the West commonly refer to as “Bite me” or “kiss my ass.”
This term is the epitome of the Thai woman calmness trait and needs a lot more consideration then you could ever imagine. So be warned.
THAI WOMEN SHOW GRATITUDE TO PARENTS
I can guarantee that in this country, everyone shows gratitude to their parents. This is taught to us both through education and religion. As we grow older, this becomes our responsibility. It is everyone’s responsibility to take care of their parents; otherwise society will punish you for being disrespectful.
Our parents are the ones who showed us how to be euphemistic; our parents were the ones who taught us our values. While growing up in their home, our parents were our God. We we’re taught that to be successful in life, we need to respectful to our family and the ones living with us in our home.
One of the main differences between Asian culture and Western culture is in Asia, and especially in Thailand we celebrate children and we celebrate elders, rather than celebrating independence. Asian families usually live together. Yes that’s right, even grandparents, all under the same roof.
Growing up with both parents and grandparents means we have had exposure to this customary code of polite behaviour at home on a daily basis. To be respectful to our elders, we would need to stop and let them pass whenever we bumped into them. If we were walking into a room and they were present, we would need to bow down while passing them. If they were sitting on the floor, we would need to kneel and crawl past them as a sign of respect. When sitting in the same location, we were not allowed to be in a position higher than our elders, they had to always be higher. Most of the times we would need to move our bodies to a lower position out of respect. We would never ask them to move on our behalves.
For us girls, it was quite tough growing up. We were not allowed to play in the house and so would play outside with the neighbours and local community. Obviously there would be boys around and they were always allowed to have fun. Whenever we mimicked the boys, us girls would get in trouble as doing so would undermine our standards. Our elders were always tough on us, sharing the teaching from their generation down to us. For example, we were not allowed to whistle. To this day I still cannot whistle. We were told that by whistling we would be performing the same act as the under-educated boys and was something girls should not do.
I may be alone here, but a quick tip you can try is to ask a Thai girl to whistle. If she can’t you can be pretty sure she had a traditional upbringing. One at least where she was close to her elders and grew up with the same traditions passed down for her previous generations. Either that, or she’s a fast learner!
#4 – THAI WOMEN ARE CONSIDERATE
Not only have we been brought up to care for our elders, we were also taught to respect our partners. We take care of our lovers and cover all the bases, even in the finer details. Accommodating other people and taking care of our loved ones is of vital importance to us Thai girls.
Looking at Western culture, being independent is how people are brought up. Western parents encourage this, it’s part of the culture and part of their upbringing. In recent times, there has also been an increase to encourage girls to be more confident, be more outspoken and to aggressively pursue their ideals and goals. In my opinion this has led for many women from that side of the globe to become overly competitive and more masculine. I feel they have lost some of their feminine touch and desirability.
Where here in Thailand, us girls were brought up to spread harmony and to respect our partners and to support them. I’m not trying to say that we are subservient or that we are quite and docile creatures that never voice our opinions. What I am saying is that we are not likely to challenge you on every issue that pops up. We wouldn’t plan to embarrass or challenge you publicly. Instead we will let you know in private, in a peaceful and respectful way of our disapproval over any issue.
Thai girls are always considerate to the needs and feeling of others. We are considerate to our family, our friends and our colleagues. We’re also considerate towards our new friends which would include you.
THAI WOMEN ARE ORGANIZED HOUSEWIVES
In this modern age, we girls have accepted that we are part of the workforce. Not only are we working women, we also take care of the house and family members within. This is an important task for us and is our duty, it’s always there floating around at the back of our minds.
Most Thai girls would have seen their own mothers successfully juggling the day to day tasks, bringing up several kids and run a household without the help of our bleeding edge electrical appliances. In all honestly, we know how important it is to maintain the home, one way or another we will find a means to have the home maintained for our family members. When it is our turn to be in charge of the household, we will make it a priority to ensure everything is organized.
We wouldn’t demand you to do your “fair share” once you’ve arrived back exhausted after a long day at work, we especially wouldn’t nag you endlessly as you’ve just entered through the door. I say this, but it’s also true and certainly greatly appreciated for any given help that’s voluntary and especially performed with a smile. It’s not something we’d demand loudly on a daily basis as we do understand.
Whether we are out working during the day, or at home taking care of the kids. You can rest assured that the house would be organized and food is at the ready. We grew up in a warm loving home and will do our best to create the same atmosphere for our partner.
Part one is complete, and I’ve provided an overview of the 5 main traits I believe every Thai girl owns. How does it sound so far? Now let’s have a look at the 5 different regions here in Thailand and how they relate.
THAI WOMEN FROM NORTHERN THAILAND
The North of Thailand is bordered by Myanmar, China and Laos. The terrain is mostly mountainous and flat areas, with a total area covering around one quarter of Thailand. The majority of people who live here are farmers. With that said, it’s true that residents and people who grew up in the region, are people who grew up with nature. It’s no wonder that they seem to be more skilled at Art, Music, and all other handmade skills when compared to the other regions.
Northern girls are tender-hearted. As you may already know, Thai people are all about peace, ideally at least. Northern girls will surprise you when you find out how calm and how peaceful they actually can be. They are very gentle and you might fall in love with them easily.
THAI WOMEN FROM NORTHEASTERN THAILAND (ISSAN)
The North-eastern region covers the biggest area in Thailand. It takes up one third of the whole country. This region is bordered by Laos to the North and Cambodia to the East. The Issan people believe that staying in a group is better than being alone. They believe that having more people to stay with, lessens the limitations you will encounter. Staying with other people and helping each other out is most likely the best solution.
That’s why it’s often you will see people from this region helping each other to do things in a group such as building houses, temples, schools or roads. Even dredging water sources together whenever you pay a visit. People from here are also farmers and love to have fun. They love to find joy in any situation, no matter how hard life can get. The girls here seem to be easy going and have a lot more patience than other regions. Girls from this region do not give up easily.
At this point, you could imagine that if you found a girl from this region and married her, you could probably guess what it will be like? That’s right; it would be a lot of fun!
THAI WOMEN FROM CENTRAL THAILAND
This part is a centre of trades, politics, economy, and arts of Thailand. The area was the heartland of the great Ayutthaya Kingdom, and still today considered the dominant area of Thailand. In this region you will find t capital city of Bangkok, which also explains why this region is the most populated region in the country. It’s safe to say that there is a lot more choice here, though without a doubt you will find many businesswomen here easily.
People who originate from this area tend to love freedom more than others. As this is a trending theme, the girls here could be considered the most independent if compared against the other regions. As Bangkok has become more and more westernized in the recent decades, the new generation has been influenced by this western culture and have more self-motivation and more determination to accomplish their goals on their own which is a totally different outlook if we were to compare with north-eastern girls. Up in the north-eastern region, girls are more likely to group together and are better as a team player role.
If you are looking for a girl who can take care of herself and does not demand too much, perhaps you will find her here.
THAI WOMEN FROM EASTERN THAILAND
In this region the terrain is flat with low range mountains. This region only has one country on its borders which is Cambodia. They also have a coastal area that is flat and curved and full of small islands. Some of the islands are well known, you may have heard of Koh Sichang, Koh Lan, Koh Samet or Koh Chang to name a few. The occupations in this sector are mainly horticultural crops, fisheries, and travel businesses. Its economy has grown tremendously because a deep sea port was built at Laem Chabang. There are large oil refineries and also industrial estates for overseas production. This is also the centre of gemstone cutting.
People here are very kind and relaxed. They like to start their own businesses, love freedom but they are not competitive when compared to central girls. This region is quite playful, especially when they talk. They often add additional words to their sentences to make the entire message softer. Girls from this region are very sweet indeed.
The South is a region with a long, spiked surface stretching into the ocean blocking the Indian Ocean on the west side and the South China Sea on the East. The southern terrain consists of plains, forests, mountains, beaches, waterfalls, caves, lakes and islands on both sides of the sea. The southern population is engaged in agriculture, coffee farming, rubber plantations, coconut plantations, fruit and cashew nut orchards.
They also do deep sea and coastal fishing, shrimp and pearl farming, and handicrafts which is consistent with the lifestyle of Eastern people. Though, they don’t have the same personalities. Most of the people down south are strong, intelligent, committed and active. They speak directly and sometimes it may sound harsh and angry because they can be loud. Deep down inside they are very kind and relaxed, just like Eastern people and actually easy going just like North-eastern people. Not only that, they love their families just like North-eastern people do but are deeper hearted.
These girls are proud to be southern people because of their strong relationships with their relatives, and they aren’t scared to take any risks. They will give their all without holding anything back. If you are not ready to settle down, please don’t play with their hearts. It may be difficult to win the heart of a Southern girl, but if you are so lucky to do so, please do it sincerely.
So now that you know a little about the various regions and their inhabitants let’s look a bit deeper into a topic most of you want to know about.
THE PHYSICAL SIDE OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH A THAI WOMAN
Thai Women are outwardly shy and for many of them they have been raised to be seen and not heard. They are quite prudish in public and will never talk about sex or romance outside of the bedroom. Most will not hold your hand in public and they definitely will not kiss you while others are watching. This may sound like the beginning of a doomed relationship but once you get over this part of their culture and get to know a girl you will find that they are extremely loving and very willing to please their partner. It may take a little time to bring this side of them to the forefront but once you do you will find them to be just as much fun as any Western woman and far more loyal.
Take some time to get to know the woman and don’t expect too much too quickly. If you want to come to Thailand for a quick bit of sex and a no strings attached week of fun and frolics then there are many places you can go to get that but if you want a long term relationship with a women who will love you for who you are even if that person is a middle aged balding over weight guy then have patience and you won’t be disappointed. Thai women are keen to please and love to make you happy. When they find a man that they feel comfortable with they will do everything in their power to keep the relationship fresh and long lasting.
You will also find that once she is comfortable with you and has made you her own she will start to be more affectionate in public as she will no longer feel that people are judging her but in fact will now be envious of her as she parades you around on her arm like first prize in the Thai lottery. After all the only thing a Thai women loves more than being coy and cautious is to be cocky and proud especially when she has a Farang by her side knowing that most of her friends will never have the good fortune to experience the same feeling.
Yes it’s a little shallow but remember any one of these women given half the chance would do exactly the same thing and feel no shame in doing so. A Farang is the gold standard in Thailand. Most Thai women would give their right arm to have a Farang on the left one and when you consider most Thai women will never leave the Province let alone the country then you can understand why the Farang is so highly prized.
Once you have reached this level of acceptance Thai women are just as adventurous in the bedroom as their Western counterparts. They love to try new things (let’s not forget that most things in the intimacy spectrum are new things) so it’s an adventure you can both make together and have fun experimenting and learning each other’s likes and dislikes. The main difference between Thai women and the women of the west is that Thai women are far more loyal and far less likely to have an affair or leave you because your lovely black head of hair has turned grey. Thai women don’t let physical appearance dictate and rule their lives. Now that’s not an excuse to be a slob but should your body not remain as it used to when you get older its far less likely you will be upgraded to a newer model when married to a Thai women.
That is of course as long as you take care of her.
This is where many Farang men fail in a relationship with women of a different culture especially Thais. In Thai culture family is everything and that can more often than not mean not just a Mum or Dad but also a Grandparent or two and a Brother, a Cousin, an Aunt and a few distant relations.
Now before you slam the door behind you and put the pedal to the metal at the thought of that just remember how life works back home. The fact that you’re in Thailand suggests that you have left home and family (if you have any) behind. So who is taking care of your parents? Who is taking care of your grandparents?
My guess is that if they are still alive they are fending for themselves at home and in a lot of cases may be very lonely or in worst case situations they are in a nursing home being mistreated by complete strangers who treat them like a commodity for a monthly fee.
Now look at Thailand, the family unit is extremely strong. Everyone takes care of their elders and in turn the hope is that your offspring will do the same for you in your twilight years. I don’t know about you but I know I would rather be close to my family and have people who have my back in times of crisis then waking up one day to an empty house and worrying how I was going to shuffle to the local store to buy a bottle of milk and some bread.
To add to that the stress of wondering who would bring me to hospital if I fell ill or being scared to open the front door in case it was some scam artist trying to take advantage of me well it’s really a no brainer. Thailand wins hands down so don’t worry too much about half the village showing up to meet you and realising that most of them are related and just take it for what it is, a close knit family unit that will do anything to protect their own.
So treat them well. Respect them and give them the love you would want in return.
TAKING CARE OF YOUR THAI WOMAN
Now once you have gotten over the shock of the extended family system it’s time to consider how to take care of your own wife/girlfriend and her needs. A Thai woman doesn’t ask for much. First and foremost they want security. They want to feel like they never have to worry about putting food on the table or having shoes to wear. They don’t want to live like royalty but they definitely don’t want to be poor.
They will work very hard for you be it in the home or in an outside job and all they want is that feeling that they are at least as good as everyone else and at best they are comfortable and have all the basics in life. If they can get a few luxuries along the way then this is a dream come true and they will love you and treat you with more love and loyalty then you could ever imagine.
Next up is to simply love them. All too often in Thailand a women will end up in a relationship with an abusive or dismissive Thai man. Unfortunately in Thailand men aren’t known for their compassion or their gentle nature. Many are quick to use their fists and some are likely to cause serious mental and physical injury to their partners. They don’t care about satisfying a woman and really just have them to make babies and clean house. I am not saying all Thai men are like this but for sure it’s a large majority. So go ahead of the curve all you have to do is be a nice guy. Treat them well and love them unconditionally which really when you think about it is not a lot to ask for getting so much in return.
Now one very important thing I need to mention at this point. Listen closely as it’s the key to a healthy relationship with Thai women. This single piece of advice is worth more than all the Tea in China and is something only seasoned professionals in the world of Thai dating will know.
Are you ready? Here it is.
Don’t hog the remote control and always make sure you have Wi-Fi or phone data wherever you live. These two simple tips will make your life very simple and will give our wife more happiness than you can imagine. All joking aside, Thai women love to watch TV. They are more than happy to snuggle up beside you and watch a movie or a soap opera. If you can get some of them in Thai or with Thai subtitles then you are made for life.
Add to that an internet connection where they can watch Thai shows on the many streaming sites or listen to YouTube and life becomes so easy. Also remember that if you decide to live abroad a decent phone and an internet connection allows them to stay in contact with family and friends. With more and more Thais gaining access to Skype or Facebook they will avoid becoming lonely and sad while away from home and a happy Thai women makes for a happy Farang man.
Next up in the things to do to take care of your Thai women list is to find them a Thai supplies store in your area. More and more these days Thai food is becoming increasingly popular but it’s also becoming increasingly expensive outside Thailand so it’s always a good idea to find an Asia market within driving distance so she can stock up on all those ingredients that come so easy back in Thailand. Things that grow on the farm at the side of the road in Thailand can sometimes be hard to come by elsewhere. If you were to eat out every other day you would need a small fortune so find the market and get shopping.
You will find nearly everything she needs and as most Thai women love to cook you will have a feed fit for a king waiting for you whenever you’re hungry. This will make her feel more at home and also keep her happy as the second thing Thai women love to do after watching tv is to eat Thai food. The good news is that most of it is low in fat so there is no fear of your beautiful wife expanding like many of the Western counterparts. Thai women tend to keep their figure very well which is good news for the more shallow of you out there.
Products like ginger, chillies, fish sauce etc. are easy to find in your local Tesco but things like chicken feet or pig’s blood may not be so easy to find outside of an Asian store.
Now while on the topic of food, there is one sure way to please your lady. It’s not cheap and it’s not pleasant but it’s something they all adore more than most other foods. The item I am referring to is the Durian fruit. Now for any of you that know anything about Thailand you will surely have come across this delicacy. I say delicacy but to most Farangs it’s more of a death sentence than a delicacy. This fruit can only be described as a cross between onion, garlic and smelly feet and has the consistency of soft butter. Its creamy in texture but definitely doesn’t taste of cream or butter. It has to be tasted to be believed and if you taste it once then one of two things will happen.
- You will double over in tears and your gag reflex will kick into overdrive.
- You will love it and want to eat it until you burst.
Many people find it so disgusting that they just can’t bear to be around it as even the smell is highly over powering and it is in fact banned on public transport in Thailand. Others find it so delicious that they will make the fruit market their first stop on every trip to Thailand.
The biggest problem for the ones that love it is its cost. Even in Thailand where it is grown it is the single most expensive fruit they have. Now add on import costs plus supply and demand and this tricky treat can cost you anything from $15 a kilo right up to $35 a kilo depending on the time of the year. So keep it in mind for a special occasion and make sure to open all the doors in the house before you open the wrapping.
Lastly but by no means least is gold. Forget silver or diamonds for a gift. The only precious item that is appreciated by a Thai women is pure 100% gold. Now this is not Farang gold this is Thai gold. Pure yellow in colour and pure 24 k. Western gold tends to be measured in Karats of 9, 14, 18 but none of them will be appreciated as they lack the yellow colour of pure gold. Practicality wise 24 karat gold is not great for wearing as it’s far too soft and breaks easily. This is why other metals are added to it which lower its quality but increase its strength. Never the less Thais love the pureness of the un altered mineral and if you can buy them some they will wear it with pride and show anyone who will look how happy they are and how lucky they are to have a husband that buys this for them.
DO THAI WOMEN LIKE TO LIE?
Now I know what you are all thinking when you hear about buying gifts for Thai women, many of you have heard the stories of the Asian gold-diggers and think we are all the same. This is most definitely not the case.
Yes Thai women love gifts but then again who doesn’t? The stories you hear are perpetuated by a certain type of man that goes to certain areas of the country and finds a certain class of Thai women. These women are there for one reason only and that’s business. So many men go to places like Pattaya or Phuket to specifically find paid company and then get all offended and upset when they get taken for granted or end up spending money on a women they think is the love of their life only to find her with another man a few hours after he has left Thailand. Guys you need to use some common sense here.
Don’t think that you are the only guy that these girls are seeing. Don’t be so naïve. If they are taking your money as payment for your company then you need to ask yourself how much of what they say and do is real and how much is just for show. Think of it like this, when you pay to go see a movie do you assume you can go see the movie again for free? Do you think that you can get a copy of the movie to take home with you?
It’s a loaner, a rental, something you have paid for to have the use of for a short period of time and while you have it you can have great pleasure from it but once it’s over its time to go home, alone.
Yes some of these women may fall for you and I personally know a few that are now happily married but the truth is that most of them will never escape that life so it’s best to just enjoy it while you can and then forget about it. Don’t be bitter and don’t tar all Thai women with the same brush. Not all of us work in the sex industry and not all of us are gold diggers.
Remember that the guys that tel you we are liars and thieves are most likely the ones that fell for an illusion and thought it was reality. Once they spend all their money and wake up to the reality that they aren’t the “sexy man” that was worshipped by 20 girls a day while on holiday they tend to get a little bitter and tell everyone that will listen the story of the “Thai girlfriend” that only went with him for his money and did the dirt on him as soon as his back was turned.
This attitude and naivety has led to Thai women getting a terrible reputation as liars but quite simply it’s the man that has perpetuated the lie and created a make believe world then blamed its demise on everyone but himself.
Yes Thai women tell lies but no more and no less than any other person from any other race in the world.
After all, doesn’t everyone lie sometimes? If you have answered no to that question I suspect you are lying.
So once you have cut through all the bull and realise that there are plenty of honest Thai women I guess you then need to ask yourself…
WHAT DO THAI WOMEN THINK OF RELATIONSHIPS WITH A FARANG?
Many many years ago it was considered unthinkable for a Thai woman to be with a Farang man. The very mention of this would send parents and grandparents into a spin and probably get you kicked out of the house and disowned, but in the words of Bob Dylan “The times they are a changing”
While some still frown on it, the simple facts are that like everywhere in the world it’s now becoming easier to communicate with strangers. It’s easy to travel around the world from the comfort of your arm chair and it’s also easy to see what you are missing out on. For the average Thai woman they will be destined to marry a Thai man and work on the farm for the rest of their life but for the smart ones, the ones growing up in a modern and technological world they want more.
No more do parents frown on cross culture relationships. They too dream of a better life for their children and are more than happy for them to meet a Farang that will treat them well and yes they also hope that he may pass on some of that western generosity to the extended family. Now I have already covered the whole extended family philosophy previously so if at this point you are thinking “oh no, are the parents after my money?” then you didn’t pay attention earlier and need to go back and read everything again.
So to continue,
While relationships are now accepted between Thais and Farangs it’s still a difficult combination due to cultural and other differences.
The main issue is family values. As I already talked about, Thais are very family orientated and this is something many Farangs can’t appreciate and don’t take seriously. This can lead to arguments and in worst cases it can split a couple up. It’s a sad truth that westerners have lost a lot of the family value mentality.
They leave home and visit rarely if at all and that’s just the way it is. Parents expect it and in many cases can’t wait for it to happen so they can have the home to themselves again. The worst thing a western parent can have is the loner son or daughter that stays home and expects the laundry to be done and dinner on the table courtesy of mum and a hand out of money at the end of every month courtesy of dad.
So I guess both parents and children are to blame for this just as much as culture but to be able to blend in with the Thai way of life it’s important that you take all of this into consideration and make some allowances.
The next thing Thais consider when thinking about a relationship with a Farang is the commitment they can expect. In Thailand it’s quite common for a Thai man to have another woman on the side and while it’s not accepted it is tolerated. They even have a word for the other woman “yes I know you would have a few choice words for her too but this is more of a title than a derogatory comment”
They call them Gik or small wife. Now with a Farang they always live in the hope that the man will be more loyal and treat them better and statistically they do. Of course western men have affairs but for other reasons to that of a Thai man. Usually if a Farang is being treated well and respected then they tend to stay loyal whereas a Thai man irrespective of how well they are treated will just take on another woman for the hell of it.
Finally and maybe most importantly Thai women dream of a relationship with a Farang man because they long for security and a stable life. By definition any man that can afford to travel to Thailand must have the means to take care of a wife and with that in mind wouldn’t any woman want to be with a person who can provide stability over poverty?
Now again this is not always the case and you may have heard talk of the two week millionaire? This is a term given to a man that goes on holiday after saving every cent for the other 50 weeks and shows off by spending a small fortune while he is away. To the unknowing eye this can come across as stability but once the guy goes home he is back to the 9-5 grind and possibly barely has enough money to pay for his own needs let alone a family and this is a trap many girls fall into. The problem is that once the Farang gets the attention and affection of a Thai woman he may begin to tell a few white lies in order to keep them interested and this can only end in disaster for both parties.
It’s a double edged sword, if the man tells the girl he is broke he risks losing her but if he lies he also runs that risk at a later time. My advice for what it is worth is to always come clean. This has two advantages. Firstly it separates the gold diggers from the genuine women because many genuine women will love you no matter what (although you have to understand that they still need to have someone that can at the very least feed and clothe them)
Secondly avoids a huge argument and heart break when they eventually realise you have been lying since the start and they can no longer trust a thing you say.
TIPS YOU SHOULD KNOW WHEN DATING A THAI WOMAN.
I already touched on a few things earlier on in this article but here are a few do’s and don’ts and pointers for your perusal.
- If you don’t want the silent treatment then don’t argue in public.
As I already said before Thai women don’t like public confrontation. They are shy around strangers and don’t like to air their dirty linen in public. At least if you argue in private she will open up and you can clear the air right there and then but believe me, if you fight in public and then have to wait for hours with all the anger boiling up inside her you will regret it. A Thai woman has two settings when she is annoyed. The first which many Farangs prefer is the all-out war setting where by both of you vent everything in a screaming match which then usually ends with a joint apology or a defeat followed by some hugging and maybe more if you are lucky.
The second and for many the far worse option is the dreaded silent treatment.
This can go on for days and in extreme cases weeks. A Thai woman is stubborn as a mule and will have no problem blanking you for as long as it takes to get her point across or until you come begging for mercy so keep this in mind the next time you want to vent your anger in public and maybe you will save yourself a whole world of grief.
- Never insult their family.
While Thai people are quite happy to gossip and moan about their own family from time to time do not take this as an invitation to vent any negative views you may have on the family especially if it’s around other members of the family. It’s very much a case of do as I say and not as I do where family matters are concerned and complaints or insults are best left unsaid. Don’t be fooled into a false sense of security when asked by your wife if you like her family especially in the early days of a relationship. Once you are settled and get to know each other better it may be ok to bring up certain issues but each person is different so you will have to gauge tolerance levels for yourself.
- Try not to fight with your own family around your wife.
This is a tricky one because you can’t be walking around on eggshells all the time but if it can be avoided then do try to leave the fighting for a time where she is not around. Fighting with your family will make her feel awkward and embarrassed
- Don’t try to be too affectionate around her friends and especially around her family.
A quick kiss is ok if you’re around close friends but a big sloppy wet kiss with hands everywhere is a definite no no. Again this will make both her and her friends uncomfortable and could end up in a trip to silent treatment central. Holding hands is more acceptable now in public but again some can find it at best embarrassing and at worst offensive especially parents.
- Respect religion and especially areas of prayer and worship.
Never ever be playful or affectionate in or around a temple. This is seriously frowned on as Thais take their religion very seriously. Try to cover up bare legs in a temple and never wear sleeveless tops. You will notice that women always cover bare legs and bare shoulders and arms in a place of prayer and are always respectful to any monks that are around whether that is in the Temple or out in public. Always Wai them and never sit with your feet pointing to them. Keep feet tucked under or behind you. These rules go for every occasion be it with your wife, girlfriend or just a tourist out for a day sightseeing.
- At food times be prepared for one of two options.
The first is the quick meal, this is where she will scoff everything down like a vacuum cleaner and expect you to do the same. If you take your time you can expect her to stand starring at you or sit tapping her feet etc.
The second is the all nighter, this is where a basic meal turns into a feast of a thousand dishes and as many hours to finish it. Thais are known for this type of meal and it usually occurs when with friends or family. More often than not each person will bring a contribution to the feast and if you have 10 or more people over you can imagine how much food that will amount to. That’s not even taking into consideration all the food your wife will have already prepared so as you can see, this can lead to an epic meal intermingled with chat and laughter which can get very loud.
This leads me on to number 7.
- Don’t date Thai women if you like peace and quiet at meal times.
If you have ever eaten lunch on a building site and had to shout your way over a jack hammer or a rumbling cement mixer then you will know how those conversations go. Now take away the noise pollution but keep the voice level where they were and that’s a typical setting for a Thai meal. They love to all talk at the same time and laugh at the top of their voices. They will gradually get louder if alcohol is involved until to the point where you can barely make out one voice from the other.
- Embrace change and be adventurous when it comes to food.
Thailand and by extension Thai people are not a meat and potatoes kind of race. Your Thai partner will make you some delicious food but it may possibly not be delicious to you. Don’t turn up your nose at what’s served. Even if it sounds disgusting at least give it a try and you may find that you are pleasantly surprised. From chicken foot soup (Tom super teen gai) or deep fried pigs intestines (Sai Tod) to Pappaya salad with fermented fish sauce (Som tum Para)
All of these may not be to everyone’s taste but you will miss out on a lot of great food if you simply turn up your nose at them all without giving them a try and your wife will be well impressed that you are willing to try things from her culture. At the very least you will provide her with a big laugh as you realise that the fried scorpion is not for you.
- Be patient while communicating with her.
Remember that English is not her first language so sometimes it’s very difficult for her to get her point across. It can be very stressful for Thai women when they know what they want to say but just can’t convey it to you. Google translate can help sometimes but if you have ever used it you will find that for many words or phrases it’s pretty useless. Try to prompt her if you know what the word may be but don’t badger her when she doesn’t know if it’s right or not. Learn to pick up on her sign language and enjoy it by having a laugh with her when she makes little mistakes but don’t make it look like you are laughing at her.
Some things you will find hilarious for example, a friend of a friend was telling me about a girl that was trying to tell her something and kept saying “suck ass” she couldn’t keep a straight face and asked he r if she could explain what she meant? she made her feel comfortable and told her what she was actually saying was a swear word so she tried again with the aid of Google translate. Luckily this time Google got the words correct and the girl was able to determine that she actually meant to say “such as”
They both had a good laugh and it made things a lot easier for future conversations.
- Be mindful of sending wrong signals, especially about marriage.
Be careful not to end up in a situation where she thinks you are getting married when realistically all you wanted to do is say hi to the parents.
In Thai culture a marriage proposal is in many circumstances expected once you have met the parents. Thai women are only really encouraged to introduce you to them if a marriage proposal is on the cards so unless you intend to pop the big questions don’t be too eager to meet the parents.
WHY THAI WOMEN PREFER FOREIGN MEN
As a farang man you are already at an advantage over Thai men and here are just a few reasons why.
They know themselves well.
They know who they are, understand what they can be, and know exactly what they want in life. Being with someone who knows what he wants to do with his life is really a sight to see. He will be ambitious and craving for results more than anybody else. He will be daring to take on any kind of situation because he knows experiences only make you grow strong. He will be adventurous, much like wanderlust, and he’s got stories to tell like nobody else could do. He will be a total charmer and this is the kind of guy that a woman wants.
They have goals.
They are ambitious. Yes, sometimes it’s nice to just chill out and have lazy bed day but if a serious relationship is what a girl is looking for, they can’t live a life like that. They need to be productive. And will need someone serious, to strive and to work hard towards a future you have yet to see. A man who has clear goals is always sexy because he knows himself very well and he will inspire you to be a better version of yourself. If you want more than just a fling and nonsense infatuation, this man can be a perfect choice for you.
They are mature.
For the most part Thai men are quite childish and rarely stress about things that are important in a relationship. Now of course a stress free life is wonderful but when it gets to a point where nothing matters then it becomes a problem. Farang men are more mature. They learn from a very early age that they will have to fend for themselves at some point and most of them will strive to be responsible and build a legacy for themselves and their future family. They care more than just where the next beer is coming from and can usually save money for their future which is the opposite of Thai men who prefer to have the bank own everything and not really care if they lose it because they can always run back to mum and dad for a roof over their head.
They have a more gentle nature.
Hitting your woman is a big, big no-no in the eyes of Western guys. Hitting a woman in the Western world is something that’s looked down upon by every person that lives there. Men who hit women there are usually viewed as psychos and complete jerks who are unfit to deal with normal people. And while we girls know in our hearts that we’d never do anything to harm the man we love in our life, do our better halves feel the same about us?
Fortunately, I know for a fact that Western men do feel the same thing. They are for the most part more respectful and treat women with dignity and only in rare circumstances would they hit a woman. In comparison with Thai men who are quick to anger and even quicker to slap or even throw a punch, this is something that a Thai woman dreams of and why wouldn’t she want a relationship with a man that will not only keep her safe from others but also keep her safe from himself?
So to sum up everything in a few words albeit it a very simplified summation,
If you are looking to have a relationship with a Thai woman you need to be patient. Don’t rush things and make sure you treat them with respect. Try to be open to new things and new adventures. Don’t be disrespectful to family or friends and always be a little less romantic in public especially in the early days of the relationship. Be forceful but not a bully. Thai women like a strong man who knows what he wants but not an over powering oaf that berates them at every opportunity.
Respect their religion and even if you don’t agree or believe in Buddha at least try to understand that he is a huge part of the Thai way of life so don’t try to make them choose between Buddha and you because you will lose every time.
Give them time with their family and if they are away from home make sure they have a way to contact them as much as possible to help with the adjustment of leaving them behind.
Have fun, enjoy being in a relationship with someone from a completely different part of the world and finally,
Love them unconditionally and they in turn love you twice as much in return. You always get back way more than what you have invested. All you need to do is look into our hearts and it will all make sense!