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Gary was in a bad mood. He didn’t wish me in the morning. All through the day he remained holed up in his cubicle. I was worried and confronted him during our afternoon tea break. He confessed that he had a fight with his girlfriend and she is not picking up his calls. My natural reaction was, “why don’t you go and meet her?” Gary expressed his inability as his girlfriend stays in another city. ‘Ohh, so you are in a long distance relationship?”
Long distance relationships – the reality of modern life
Long distance relationships or LDRs are a reality of modern life. In almost all societies they are increasing. In the USA alone 14 million couples are in long distance relationships of which 3.75 millions are married. The most common reason for couples living separately is their job. People get posted in different locations and commuting becomes so hectic that they are forced to stay apart.
People who are in military jobs have to stay away from home. Similarly, young couples pursuing studies in different colleges also have to settle for long distance relationships.
Long distance relationships are on the rise and internet can be held responsible for that. Online dating has made it easier for people to get into relationships with partners who stay away from them. Many people find their soul mate in the virtual world and lead a happy and fulfilling relationship.
Like Gary, if you ever have been in a long distance relationship, you must have faced certain problems. Distance often creates unnecessary complications in the matters of the heart which leads people to believe that these unions are more prone to breakups. There is, however, no data to collaborate this belief. At the same time, we must mention that it takes special care and effort to make such a relationship work.
What are the problems that you think couples in long distance relationship face? I talked to Gary and he mentioned a few.
The most difficult aspect of being in a long distance relationship is constantly having to judge the state of the relationship
Communication.
That was the first point mentioned by Gary. Not surprising as with his girlfriend not answering his calls, he was going through a major problem in communication that a long distance relationship creates.
Communication in long distance relationships takes on a unique character. It is also of utmost importance as without proper communication you cannot continue a relationship. Long distance relationships are restrictive because you cannot establish any physical contact. Simple gestures like holding hands, giving a hug, and holding someone close can make us feel assured.
Physical contact in these forms is essential to make the bond stronger between couples. However, in long distance relationships you cannot take help of that. You have to depend completely on technology to communicate and that acts as a deterrent.
Time differences
Matters get worse if you reside in different time zones. You need to do a lot of syncing in terms of timetables. Finding the overlapping time to communicate is the biggest challenge in this case.
Choosing the mode of communication
Do you find typing messaging too tiring while your girlfriend insists on it? This is a common problem with couples who stay in different locations. The mode of communication has to be chosen depending on your preferences. Today technology offers a plethora of choice that long distance lovers can adopt. From WhatsApp to different messengers, Skype to other voice-over devices, maintaining relationships with a partner in another country has become interesting and easy too.
Understanding the communicative pattern
A simple “okay’ can have many meanings. How does your girlfriend say it to end a fight or when finalizing the order at the restaurant? It’s different and you know it. You definitely know it when it is uttered after a long silence. It’s alarming, right? Can you get the same feeling when it is typed in a chat window or said over Skype?
Everybody has their own communicative pattern that only near ones know and can decipher. When you are separated by space and communicate through phone or chat, it is difficult to understand this communicative pattern. People in budding relationships may find it a major hindrance to developing a strong bond with their partners.
Technology limits communication
When you are away from your loved ones and only communicates over phone or chat, you cannot see their expression nor can you know the feeling that made them write something. This is the problem with long distance communication which can erode the foundation of a relationship and make it weak.
Let’s move on and talk about other problems that people may face in long distance relationships.
Lack of physical intimacy
We cannot deny the role intimacy plays in making a relationship strong and long-lasting. Since this is missing in long distance relationships, a lot of strain is created that is hard to overcome. Following monogamy also becomes difficult and this poses a serious threat to the relationship.
Growing apart
No matter how many times you talk with your beau or chat or comment on each other’s posts in social media, staying apart means leading lives which are different and this may make you grow apart from each other. Usually, people in relationships grow individually as well as a couple but remaining within the ambit of a relationship which is not possible when your partner stays far away from you. You lead different lives, you share different interests and your individual growth may take you away from your partner.
Jealousy
Everybody feels it. If your man checks out other women in a bar or talks about his colleagues you are bound to feel jealous. In this case, since you are away and not always aware of what your partner is doing and whom they are meeting, the jealousy can take an ugly form. Moreover, jealousy is a negative emotion that ravages you from inside. it can harm the relationship beyond repair if you do not treat it in time.
When dependency becomes a problem
We depend on our partners. That’s a reality. Someone can depend too much on his or her partner or not depend on at all. There are relationships where people get so dependent on each other that they tend to lose their individual identity. As you can make out, the extreme cases of dependency can create problems in the long run, leading to breakups. In long distance relationships when people start depending on their partners too much, it is time to r