Jessica was shattered. She was crying inconsolably and I didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t accept the fact that Steve has left her. They were having some problems like all couples do but she never imagined that he would take this drastic step. Steve has given a strange reason for the breakup. He has said that he feels stifled by Jessica and fears that he would lose his freedom. Jessica doesn’t believe this and suspects that he is having an affair with his colleague.
Why men leave the women they love? Why do they move away from the women they have once relentlessly pursued for days? Did they really love the women or it was merely an eyewash? Is it that men get bored very easily? Do they seek variety in their love life or there are concrete reasons behind such behavior? We will explore the reasons that make men break up and move away from their women. We will depict 20 such reasons here. Stay with us to delve into a man’s mind.
Why men leave the women they love?
There are plenty of reasons behind it and we will explain them here. Before that let me tell you one thing. A relationship works when both the man and woman invest sufficient time, emotions and trust in it. It needn’t be equal portions for all the three items, but a balance is required. If any one of them falters, the other is bound to feel neglected. When a man doesn’t give time to his partner or becomes less attentive that should be read as a sign of warning. If he hides facts, doesn’t express his feelings or gets angry when confronted, you should talk to him openly. In most cases, the mere fact that you have acknowledged the problem or want to do something about it is enough to make the guy also try to keep the relationship alive. A relationship dies and a man leaves a woman when he stops investing in it and finds his partner also doing the same. If you value the relationship, you must try to save it before it gets too late.
There is no point for guessing the number one reason behind men leaving women. Around 17% of marriages end due to cheating. A whopping number of men, around 70% have admitted that they have cheated on their wives. Staying away from partners for a long time due to professional commitments, increasing expectations and stress in relationships make men seek pleasure outside. In the majority of cases, men who cheat eventually break up with their wives.
The other part of the story says that women are fast catching up with men. In recent years, the percentage of women cheating on their boyfriends and spouses has spiraled. Needless to say, these relationships usually terminate on a bitter note.
2. Sexual incompatibility
Sex is a vital component of a relationship. It makes a relationship special. Sex is also a way through which two lovers come together and share their happiness. It is also important to indulge in lovemaking often. Today, most relationships are breaking because couples do not find time for each other. Men and women who do not enjoy great sex cannot remain happy in a relationship. Lack of good sex makes either of them seek it outside the relationship. In most cases it is the man who drifts apart, ending the relationship.
Great sex doesn’t happen on its own. You need to find your own rhythm and style. You also have to keep in mind the demands of your partner. Couples who sit and talk about the issues and try different techniques usually end up enjoying sex.
3. Lack of intimacy
We want to stress the point that sex cannot hold a man and woman together. It is required but not sufficient to make a relationship work. Physical intimacy is another factor that keeps the relationship going. If a couple doesn’t spend time together and indulges in physical intimacy, the relationship may suffer from irreparable damages. By physical intimacy we mean hugging, kissing, cuddling and spending time together.
It doesn’t take much effort to feel close to your partner. A kiss in the morning, a hug before leaving for work, one or two messages during the day and cuddling at night- that’s what it takes to make your partner feel loved. Both the partners should take initiatives to find time for each other.
4. Loss of attraction
Why do you think a man would spend less and less time with his woman whom once he adored? You guessed it right. Loss of attraction. This happens in relationships which are old and the couple doesn’t take any initiative to keep the sparks flying. Either they get too busy with their individual lives or do not feel the necessity to spend time with each other. There is another aspect to this problem. With time, we grow, learn new things and that also modify our personality. This change is beautiful and makes us attractive. If we are not learning new things or not doing anything meaningful, we get stagnated and that gets reflected in the relationship also.
Self-development and having a mission in life is important. It helps us to concentrate on positive forces and our personality develops. This makes us attractive to our partners.
This is another reason why a man may call quits. He is bored. Well, we cannot accuse only one party of this as it is both the man and woman’s responsibility to keep the relationship exciting. However, it may so happen that the woman doesn’t take interest at all in the relationship and is busy with her own life. Does your man return home late? Has he ever complained that he doesn’t like to stay at home? If yes, it is time for you to wake up and take action.
There are things that you can do keep the relationship lively. Going on dates, eating out together, watching old movies or dancing together can make a couple feel happy. try new sex positions, get a new haircut, plan exciting outings and surprise your partners. Buy gifts for each other without any occasion. These are small things that infuse energy in our lives. Going on vacations or taking up a new hobby is a fantastic way to give your relationship a fresh lease of life.
The reasons we have been explaining so far are usually loopholes in the relationships. They can be fixed with a little bit of initiative from both the man and the woman. However, there are other reasons, toxic and negative that may make a man dump his woman. These are mostly those reasons where the man plays the second fiddle. Let us share a few of them here.
6. Lack of emotional bonding
This may sound strange to you but the fact is that men look for emotional stability in a relationship. In popular media, men are painted as only driven by sexual desire but that is not true. In general, men get into long term relationships for emotional stability. If for any reason, like incompatibility or lack of love or respect, he feels that the emotional stability is missing or being threatened, he would back off.
7. Emotional codependence
On the other side of lack of emotional bonding is emotional codependence. Too much emotional dependence is harmful to people. When someone starts depending on another person for his or her happiness, sadness, and overall wellbeing it stifles personal growth. In the long run, this may become a major problem in the relationship as there is little space left for personal things. Everybody needs to have a personal life. Friends, relatives, hobbies and interests are an essential part of this life. If being in a relationship means giving up on all these, anyone would feel caged. Some women, in a bid to hold on to their guys, start interfering in everything. Their lives revolve around their partners which make the men feel suffocated. This happens more with men who love their freedom. Thus women who try to control the lives of their men usually find themselves alone after some time.
8. Fear of losing freedom
Let me clarify first that there are two sides to this problem. On one side there are women who get too possessive of their men and lose them as the men find their freedom more adorable than the women they once loved and on the other side are men who read too much into things and confuse love and care with interference.
Most men are driven by this fear. The term commitment phobia has become passé. In most cases, this fear arises out of the things they hear from their friends. As you can guess, it is mostly baseless. Men often imagine things or read signals wrong. If he is late from office and his wife asks about his whereabouts, he may take it as prying. Similarly asking him to give up drinking or smoking would be interpreted as trying to control his life.
This fear of losing freedom and becoming a butt of ridicule in the friends’ circle drives men to break up. However, what they need to do is to assess their women correctly and decide whether she is actually trying to control them or it is just a mere fear. Voicing the feelings and talking over the problem may fix it also. You don’t have to run from the relationship to feel free.
9. When she tries to fix him
If a woman is too complaining, demanding and judgmental she may give out the impression that she is trying to fix her guy. Criticizing every mistake, providing, interfering in all his matters and providing solutions when not asked makes a man feel that she is trying to babysit him. Obviously, this doesn’t go well with men.
Some women really try to fix their men. They consider their men as incapable of doing anything fruitful in life and take it upon themselves to guide them. Needless to say, this is a wrong attitude and which often leads to the men run away for their life.
10. Not able to handle the pressure of love
“I was always holding onto people, and they were always leaving.”
This may sound strange but this happens with some people. When people become too possessive or obsessive they tend to create pressure on their loved one. This may take the form of demanding attention all the time, trying to keep a tab on what the partner is doing, asking to be pampered and trying to keep friends and relatives away. Needless to say, if a woman behaves like this, the man is bound to feel thwarted. The relationship gets strained and may break if nothing is done to check such a behavior.
A relationship is meant to be enjoyed and cherished. If it becomes a source of stress and sadness no one would like to continue it.
11. Lack of respect
A relationship begins with love and mutual attraction but these two are not enough to make it work. There are other things like trust and respect that creates the foundation. If there is no respect in a relationship it cannot survive in the long run. A man deserves respect as much as a woman deserves it. If a man is constantly criticized, humiliated and ignored, he is bound to feel bad about it. If he is not respected for who is, he would lose interest in the relationship. In the long run, it would also make him look for greener pasture.
12. Success of the woman may threaten him
This is unfortunate but happens with some men. If the woman becomes too successful in her career the man may feel inadequate and dump her. This happens because he compares his own failures against the success of his ladylove. He may also think that the woman would not give priority to the relationship. He doubts the future of the relationship and leaves.
In this case, sitting together and clarifying the doubts may save the relationship. If the fears are found baseless the couple can sit together and take a more optimistic view of the future and create a loving relationship that helps both of them to grow.
13. Nagging woman
This is a great put off for most men. Ask your male friends and they would tell you how they run away from nagging women. Constant nagging and complaining make them feel like children and most men do not like the idea. They want a loving and caring relationship. Instead, if the woman always nags and whines the man feels disgusted. These are negative emotions that take a heavy toll on the relationship.
Sadly, in most cases, the women do not realize that it is their own behavior that makes their men leave. They accuse the men of being cruel but don’t realize that trusting them and being a little considerate can save both of them a whole lot of agony and frustration.
Jessica was still in a bad mood. I asked her what used to make Steve angry with her. Her answer made things clear to me. Jessica used to compare Steve with her best friend’s boyfriend and that used to irritate Steve. That gave me the clue to Steve’s suddenly ending the relationship. Yes, men cannot stand comparison while women cannot stop comparing. From how her friend’s boyfriend calls her up every hour to how he takes her to movies every weekend, there are innumerable yardsticks against which a man is compared. Some women may even compare their current boyfriends with their exes and create unnecessary tension. Men usually ignore these small complaints and comparisons but if it happens with everything they say or do, it becomes a problem. That’s what happened to Steve, he confessed to me when I bumped into him at a party. Steve also said that he had tried to reason it out with Jessica and told her that he gets hurt but she never paid any heed to his feelings.
Every person is unique. The women need to realize that by comparing they are only disrespecting their men and also their own feelings. Your ex is your ex. Why compare your man to someone who has left you for good?
15. Emotional incompatibility
This is a serious problem which comes to the front when the initial attraction wears off. People get attracted to each other for a variety of reasons; physical features are one of these. However, with time when they come to know each other closely they realize how different they are. At times, the differences complement each other and the couples can create a loving relationship but when the differences are incompatible the relationship suffers. Emotional incompatibility can leave the man and the woman dissatisfied and eventually lead to the breakup.
16. Too much dependence
“If you have to convince someone to stay with you then they have already left.”
Have you seen any relationship in which the woman is dependent on the man for every single thing? I am not talking not financial dependence only, but too much of mental dependence is also not right. Asking the man for help in each and every matter, depending on him for major and minor household issues may make the man get bogged down. You may call in immaturity or inability to be independent, but it is harmful to the relationship. No one wants to shoulder all the responsibilities. If you are not ready to share, you cannot expect to be happy in a relationship.
17. Lack of appreciation
Everybody seeks it though they may not ask for it expressively. When it comes to complimenting someone for their looks or qualities, we generally think of women. Of course, a woman needs to be appreciated and a man needs it too. While you would come across plenty of articles motivating men to appreciate the women in their lives there are almost none that asks the women to do so. However, the fact is without appreciation, a man loses interest in the relationship. He stops taking initiatives to please his woman. Slowly the relationship becomes dull and boring. Without nurturing the attraction dies and the relationship heads towards a tragic end.
18. Disagreement on major decisions
A couple has to take several major decisions together. These include buying decisions like a house, car etc, investment decisions and also issues like parenting. If the man and the woman have different value systems, they cannot reach a consensus. At times their perspectives may vary so much that it becomes difficult to find a middle point. The disagreements may lead to frequent fights if they do not budge from their opinions. Unfortunately, most divorces today happen on this ground.
19. Competitive attitude
Have you ever seen any couple where the man and the woman compete with each other? It happens. When the relationship becomes a battleground and the two parties compete to outsmart each other, you cannot expect them to be cordial to each other. Naturally, a lot of bitterness exists which makes the man and woman to drift apart. In most cases, it is the man who calls the quit.
20. Intellectual disparity
“I don’t understand, Jem. I don’t understand why you’d leave me. Why would you do that?”
Those who think that men only get into a relationship for sex need a reality check. There are men who look for other qualities in women than only physical beauty. They look for qualities like intelligence, confidence, and self-reliance and sense of humor in their women. They seek women who can match their level of intellect and be a real partner. For them a relationship becomes successful if it can provide mental stimulation. Sadly, if their partners fail to be such women of substance, they leave them.
“Angry at him for leaving without a word, angry at myself for being so easy to leave and for not being enough to make him want to stick around.”
It is not easy to end a relationship. When you have invested emotions and time in it and dreamt of a future together, you cannot take such a decision abruptly. If a man does so, you have to understand that he must be frustrated and lost all hope in the relationship. He may hurt too but cannot express it like Steve.
Why do you think a man leaves a woman he loves? Do you think the woman can persuade him to stay back? Is there a chance of revival? Please share your thoughts.
Summary – We see a lot of relationships breaking around us. Sometimes we know the reasons, sometimes we don’t. In majority of these cases, the men are blamed for the breakup. If you want to know whether men should be accused for these breakups, here are 20 such reasons why men leave their women. It is up to you to decide whether men should be really held responsible for the breakups.