She’s a mess of gorgeous chaos, and you can see it in her eyes.
And she creates a mess of your emotions too. I mean, whenever you see her, you feel like gazing into those blue eyes and you forget to say what you have been planning for days. You couldn’t muster the courage yet to ask her out although your every waking moment is filled with her thoughts only.
Asking a girl out is perhaps the most excruciating task that a guy faces. There are so many conflicting thoughts that come to the mind. What if she says no, what if she never talks to me after that? What if she insults me in front of my friends? Whenever these thoughts come to the mind, you lose all courage and get back into your shell. I want you to get one thing into your head. Unless you ask her out, you don’t stand a chance.
So better tighten up your belt, wear your armor and ask her out. What’s the big deal in it? If still, you are going weak by the knees, here are my tips on how to ask a girl out successfully, so that she says yes, first time and every time.
Asking a girl out – how to make her say yes
Asking a girl out is easy, very easy. Do you agree? Why not? What does it take to ask a girl out? You just have to blurt out to her or write a simple note and it’s done. No. asking someone out is difficult because you want to hear yes. Yes. That’s what makes it hard. So, how do you make a girl say yes, every time you ask her out? Do you think you can do that? If not, we are here to help you. Let’s make things easier for you by considering two separate situations. One, in which you are planning to approach a stranger, maybe a hottie you met at the bar and second, you want to go on a date with someone you know for some time.
Asking out a stranger – the daring act
Let’s say, you saw her at a bar, or at a friend’s party. Both of you have been drinking, you smiled at her, she was quite friendly and you talked a bit. Maybe you danced with her, or made out with her, you found her charming and now you want to go on a date with her. How would you do that? Or consider this. You saw her at the coffee shop. Your eyes met a few times and you feel pulled towards her. You want to talk to her and ask her whether she would like to go out with you. Would it be too challenging? Too risky?
There are two sides to this story. Of course, it is daring. It takes a lot of guts to ask a stranger to go out with you but consider this- if she says no, what do you lose? Nothing except your pride, maybe. Since you do not know her for long, there is very little emotion involved over here. Moreover, chances are high that she doesn’t belong to your social circle. So, you would not be bumping into each other much and hence can safely take the risk. If it pays, well, if not, you can move on with your life.
Let’s consider the case at the coffee shop first. She is a complete stranger and yet you want to ask her out. Play with your eyes first. Did you get what I mean? To gauge whether she likes you, look at her, say for 4-5 seconds and shift the gaze. Come back within 5 seconds. If she looks at you, continue with the stare to let her know that you have acknowledged her.
Cause every time I look into her eyes
You know, attraction can be created with the help of your eyes. You need to maintain a steady gaze that is friendly and positive. The secret is the message you pass on to her with your eyes. Respect, attention, and appreciation. Yes, show her that you appreciate her for the person she is through your gaze. Smile with your eyes so that she gets comfortable and also interested to know you too. Once you have created that bridge, it is time to approach her.
Be a smart chap and think of something to tell her. Make it gender neutral like asking her for direction to an electronic shop or book shop in the locality. Tell her that you are new and is interested to know the place. If she gives you the direction, you can ask her to walk up to that place. If she agrees, well, it would depend on how convincing you sound, you have won the first round. Maintain proper eye contact with her to let her know that you are genuinely interested to know her and then put the question before her.
You think you cannot do it? Refer to the section below where we have discussed the tactics that you have to adopt to make her say yes.
Now we come to the second case here where you had a crush on a girl you met at a bar and had a little conversation also. Now you want to ask her out.
So, you need to gather all your courage and just approach her. Take a few deep breaths, walk up to her with your back straight and head held and high and introduce yourself. Since you are a stranger to her, you won’t get much time to impress her. So, choose your strategy wisely. Would you make it funny, serious or just friendly? With a smile, tell her that you found her gorgeous and would like to enjoy a cup of coffee with her.
Do not ask open-ended questions as they may give her a chance to stump you. Ask closed questions like, “what about coffee next Sunday?”, or “would you like to go to this concert on Saturday?” Either she would say yes or no. Don’t forget to take her phone if she agrees. If she puts down your offer, say thank you and leave.
Here’s a handy tip: When she gives you her phone number, read it back to her, but read a couple of digits wrong. If she does not correct you, take a hint – do not linger around and do not disrespect her.
What about asking the girl with whom you danced at your friend’s birthday party? Text her a few days after the encounter and tell her how much you enjoyed the time spent with her. In all probability, she would reply back with some nice comments because that’s courtesy and you can pick up from here.
Keep the conversation on her for a few days (without being creepy) till she gets comfortable around you. You would also be able to gauge her interest level from the replies she gives you. Now, call her. Yes, don’t text but give her a call and surprise her. Tell her that you want to know her better. Ask her to join you for a cup of coffee. If you want, you can make the date special by taking her out for lunch.
So, you have won the first date with her. Make it so special that she says yes every time you ask her out. How? We will tell you.
Asking out someone you know – preparing for the big question
I just wish I’d asked you sooner. We could’ve ages…months…years maybe…
Yes. If you love her, do not waste time. Tell her. You need to act sooner so that you don’t lose her to someone. So, let’s begin with the preparation. To make things less overwhelming, we would divide the preparation schedule into small steps. So here they are-
- The planning
- Your aim
- Your attitude
- Body language
Do you feel that there is any need to plan? Of course, there is. Some people advise to keep things normal and go with the flow. I agree that you cannot learn a few lines and recite them in front of her. However, what you can definitely do is to plan how to dress up and what to tell her on that fateful day and where you would be taking her when she says yes.
Let’s begin with the aim. What are you really up to? What do you want? Do you like the girl? Do you have a crush on her? Are you serious about her? Answering yes to all these questions would let you decide how seriously you should take up the activity. Moreover, knowing your aim would also help you to frame your strategies better. So, decide your aim and spend a few minutes with your thoughts. Create positive thoughts. Remember, unless you are positive about winning her heart, you cannot actually win.
Now comes attitude
Positive. Yes, that’s the only word I would like you to focus on. Be positive, feel positive. Let positivity drive all your actions. When you exude positivity, people get attracted towards you. And in this case, your ladylove would be compelled to say yes.
Presenting yourself – look and feel your best
This is the most important part of this game. The adage, the first impression is the last impression has become so cliché that people have stopped paying attention to it. However, the truth remains that the way you present yourself before others have a lot to do with what they think about you. A wrinkled shirt, untidy hair, dirty shoes and an unshaved face doesn’t speak well about your personal grooming. It also tells people that you do not care about what they think about you and this is not a nice thing to do.
When you are trying to woo a girl, go all about it. Pay attention to small things, because she would be doing the same. She would notice your shoes and nails and even your tie. Your disregard for grooming may get interpreted as not being serious about her.
So, here are our basic grooming tips.
Get a haircut. Trim your nails. Develop the habit of regularly flossing your teeth. Always use a mouth freshener before leaving the house. Wear clean and ironed clothes. Remember, you do not have to spend a fortune on clothes but having a few basic pieces in the wardrobe would help you to look smart always. While a pair of jeans and a tee is ideal for a casual outing you may just add a jacket to get into a semi-formal mood. For a more stylish look, use a scarf. Always wear clean socks. Match your shoes with your trousers. Accessories like belt and watch play a vital role in making your attire complete.
Wear according to the occasion. That’s the secret to fashion. Moreover, wear what suits your personality. You need not don tailored suits to look handsome. You can look stylish even in jeans and tee if worn in the right way.
Body language – the messages you convey unknowingly
There are men who memorize peppy lines to impress their love interest but forget to look into her eyes or to stand properly before her. Your body language is as vital as your spoken language. In fact, it plays a key role in creating the right impression. So, check your posture and the way you carry your hands around. Always stand straight, chin up, chest high and shoulders drawn back.
Your handshake also reveals a lot about your personality and make sure it is firm but warm.
Another aspect of your personality. Always maintain eye contact when talking. When you ask her out, make sure you say your lines with your eyes fixed on hers. Keep it intense, and do not shift your gaze till you have finished.
Don’t just look into her eyes. Try to gauge her reaction so that you can improvise on your lines and make her fall for your proposal.
Confidence is the key
Confidence is the key to everything. The way you look, smile, look into her eyes and say your words, confidence governs everything.
Confidence doesn’t scream but it expresses itself in small gestures like your posture, the way you smile and introduce yourself, the handshake and also the way you position your body parts. As for example, hands crossed over the chest implies you are defensive and hands behind your back mean you are hiding something. Similarly, shifting your legs means you are not feeling comfortable. So, don’t slump your shoulders or fidget with your hands, stand facing your woman and look straight into her eyes while speaking.
The space your body occupies is also another indication of your level of confidence. People who suffer from lack of confidence usually curl up and take less space whereas confident people occupy as much space as possible as they are comfortable in their bodies. I hope you have got the message. When you stand in front of her, let your full body face her so that she acknowledges your presence.
Stay calm and composed
This is vital. It has been found that men who stay calm and composed have more chances of winning the hearts of their ladies. Women usually find calm men more mature and dependable. These men are perceived to be more in control of a situation and desired by women. If you feel nervous, confused or are afraid to approach her, take a few deep breaths, and observe your thoughts. Are they shouting out loud in your head? Feel each of them and get rid of them one by one. Calm your mind. View yourself as completely in control of the situation and then make your advance.
Plan your approach
We are assuming that you know the girl to some extent. Maybe she is your batch mate in college or a colleague. Maybe you hang out together in groups but are not that close. You have fallen for her and now want to know more about her. You want to ask her out for a date.
I hope you have planned everything as we told you to? You have dressed well, got into your super-confident self, wore your best smile and so it’s time now to approach her. Did you think about what you are going to tell her?
Where would you take her?
When you are an acquaintance, it may take time to get out of the friend zone and become her special friend. You should try to know what she like and dislikes. Is she sporty type or girlie? Does she love reading books? Depending on these, you can choose the right way to approach her and plan the date. When she is around, give her attention but do not ogle at her. Be respectful.
Try to talk on subjects that interest her so that she takes notice of you. Be helpful, not only towards her but to all in the group. You want to impress her, right? So be the nice guy that she can depend on. Girls who are sporty and love challenges would be happy if you approach them boldly and in a no-nonsense way. Throw the question at her and see how she reacts. When she agrees to go out with you, take her to a sporting event or to a hiking or trekking program.
Keep it simple, keep it interesting
The idea is to surprise her. Make it cute so that she cannot resist it. However, do not go overboard. You can pop the question when you are engrossed in a conversation. Let us give you some ideas which you can improvise upon. Suppose both of you are walking down the road. Take her hand in yours and tell her that you are lucky to have her in your life. Now you want to take the relationship one level further and so would she like to join you for dinner? Kiss her lightly if she says yes.
If you want to make it more romantic, write a note and leave it at her doorstep. Send her an edited version of a love song that she likes and pop the question in between. You can text her with a cute little message.
I know of a boy who asked her girlfriend out by putting the message inside her birthday cake! So, you know that you can really get creative with the idea.
The date – let your magic work
So, you have won the first date with her. Now, you have to get the show going so that she falls for you and gets eager to meet you again.
The first date requires elaborate planning. Take her to a place where you can enjoy privacy and can talk also. A nice coffee joint or a restaurant would be the ideal place. It can be the local museum or art gallery depending on her personality.
When you are with her, give her your undivided attention. Be polite, gentle and take care of her. Crack jokes and make her laugh. Please, stay away from sexist jokes. Gift her flower, may be a sunflower or a single rose to celebrate the occasion.
Ask her about her work, hobbies, and friends. Listen to her carefully as she would appreciate that and also you would be able to gather information that would help you to plan the second date.
Drop her home. If everything goes well you can ask her for the second date right at the end. Or else, call her up within next three days and fix up the second date.
A short note of caution
We have been saying a lot about what to do to impress a girl. There are certain things that you shouldn’t do. The first thing that you have to careful about is your looks. Do not go to meet her with smelly hair or dirty shoes. Do not stare at the ground or stammer. If she declines your offer, do not get angry. Be courteous and maintain friendly terms with her. Do not boast about your accomplishments. Do not spend lavishly on the first date or get any expensive gift for her. It may put her off.
Asking a girl out is an art that you need to master. You have to be serious, empathetic and honest. Do not play with your emotions or with anyone else’s. Always remember that whether the girl says yes or no, you should respect her feelings.
So, how did you like the ideas? Did you decide how to approach her? Let us know how your lady responded.