“Hi, I am Steve. Come, I will buy you a drink. I can drop you later on at your place.”
Or consider this.
“No. I don’t know care what my mother thinks of me marrying your daughter.”
What do you think was the outcome in each of these cases? In the first instance, the girl didn’t like the approach and so declined the offer. In the second instance, the girl’s family almost called off the wedding as they found the guy not respectful towards his family. Wondering why the parents of the girls disliked the guy so much? These may come off at over the top reactions to someone from the west but this is the world of Thai dating where the rules are so different that western men misjudge and commit mistakes at every step.
Actually, the problem lies in the failure to understand the differences in cultures – and this applies to both the parties. Most men do not realize the disparities that exist between western and Thai culture and make bad moves that find them losing the girl. In fact, there are many instances where the relationships have failed even after dating for some time as the men have said something or done something that hurt the sentiment of the Thai ladies. So, if you are interested in dating a beautiful Thai girl and also want to marry her, you need to be cautious from the very first day. Your Thai girl comes from a different background with a completely unique set of beliefs and her sensibility would vary from women of your country. Unless you are aware of these it would be difficult for you to create a loving relationship with a Thai girl. So, what are the common mistakes that western men make with Thai girls? Let’s find out.
THai girls – The first mistake in judgment
Thailand has climbed up the popularity chart of global tourism very fast. Today, it is known to the world for its beaches, exciting nightlife, and exotic cuisine and thus attracts a huge number of young tourists. Sadly, the nightlife has got more highlighted with young westerners who flock to this country for exciting sexual adventures.
We’ve said it several times before. The single biggest mistake men make when looking for a Thai wife or girlfriend is that they look for it in the wrong place – the bar. Attracted to Thai beauty, young men throng these places. The girls are no doubt beautiful and would give you great company. There have even been cases where western man have had successful relationships with former bar girls, but these incidents are rare and often involves a lot of heartbreaks and empty wallets in the process. In general, we recommend you stay clear of these places if its long term relationships you’re looking for.
The approach – make a wrong move and you are doomed
Anyone who has been to Thailand would surely be exposed to its nightlife given its presence all over Thailand. Truth is, Thailands nightlife is by and large restricted to the places frequented by tourists, and a vast majority of the local population has nothing to do with it. Yet, many men (especially those whose only experience with Thailand is limited to its nightlife) assume this to be the default state of affairs in Thailand. This is the second most common mistake in judgment – they equate all Thai women with the experiences in bars.
Check any website on Thai dating and you would find that the girls are described as sweet, beautiful, charming and approachable. All these are true. Thai women are open to talking to strangers. However, many men make the mistake of confusing their friendly and approachable nature with the image they already have from their experiences in nightlife areas. Just because someone is friendly and open, doesn’t mean that you can say anything and get away with it. The Thai culture is orthodox and lays down rules of communication in public. If you do not follow them it might be rather difficult to make a Thai girl go out with you.
Having a disheveled look or disregard for personal hygiene would create a negative impression about you. Similarly, sounding arrogant, talking loudly in public and not behaving yourself also lowers your reputation.
If you show disrespect to Thai culture or the royal family the Thais would consider you arrogant. Not behaving like a gentleman and getting drunk and asking for a sexual favor would not earn you any brownie points either.
When approaching a Thai girl, you have to be conscious about your behavior, appearance, language and be respectful to her.
Besides that, there are many other pitfalls of Thai dating that you have to avoid. Let’s share them with you.
Not selecting the right girl
Their happy and smiling face makes people fall in love easily. You may meet a girl with the best features and a smile that you can die for. However, she may not have the qualities that you expect in a life partner.
To enjoy dating a Thai girl, you need to find the right one. You need to find a girl who matches your intellect, is witty and can become a good partner. If you are dating with marriage in mind, you need to be doubly sure before taking the leap. Don’t make the mistake of having someone in your life whose company you may not enjoy.
You found the right Thai girl, you let your charm work on her and now you are dating her. You think you have won the battle? No, not yet! There are more dragons to slay on the way before you can claim your share of happiness. The most important of these is not understanding her culture well enough.
Not knowing Thai culture
Thailand being a country belonging to the eastern world has a strong culture that dates back to several centuries. Thailand’s traditions and social norms are strongly influenced by the neighboring countries like India and China. Most of the traditions are derived from Buddhism with roots in Hinduism. Unless you know the customs, it would be difficult for you to appreciate their feelings and get into a long-term relationship with a Thai girl.
For example, what would happen if you enter a Thai house wearing your shoes? Blunder. What would the local people think of you if you raise your voice in a public place just to prove your point? You are uncivilized. These things may seem trivial to you but to a Thai, they matter a lot. How you greet a person, how you behave in public and the way you position your hands and legs are all important to Thai culture.
It might be a good idea to get yourself familiar with Thail culture and Thai way of doing things to impress your girl. You will also avoid awkward situations arising our of inadvertently offending someone.
Not respecting her culture
Interracial dating is not easy. It is not everybody’s cup of tea if I may put it bluntly. You not only have to mind the cultural differences but also make lifestyle changes too. A lot of compromises have to be made to make an interracial relationship work. The areas like lifestyle, religion, parenting and family life need maximum adjustment. How do you do that? By acknowledging the differences and respecting them. When you date a Thai girl, you have to respect her feelings for her family. You have to appreciate the bond she has with her parents. You cannot ignore the responsibility she has towards her family either. Men who do not value these traditions and social norms and show disregard towards them have difficulty in enjoying their relationship with Thai girls.
Not knowing her family closely
You may have realized by now that the family holds a special position in the Thai society. Family bonds in Thai culture are way more prominent than it is in some other societies in the world. Some western men struggle to understand this and make the mistake of not giving enough importance to the family of their Thai girlfriends. They cannot comprehend why the girls are so mentally and emotionally attached to their parents and seek their permission even in trivial matters. This hurts the sentiments of the Thai ladies and causes a rift in the relationship.
The first meeting with Thai parents is crucial. Men who do not follow the traditional rules and appear too arrogant or rude create or appear are a cross with Thai culture and traditions, leaves a bad impression which works against them.
Going too fast
Another red flag. Thai girls are pretty, charming and emotional. They have an enigma that makes western men fall head over heel in love with them. Well, there is no problem in falling in love unless you get carried away and take a hasty decision like moving in with her, getting engaged and even marriage in some cases. Yes, I have seen western guys getting married to Thai girls whom they have known for less than 2 weeks! Unless you know a person closely, you should not take a serious decision like marriage. Moreover, with all the cultural differences, the disparity in lifestyle and interference from the parents’, such hasty marriages most often head towards disaster.
Not laying down the ground rules
People do strange things in love. When you have a charming Thai girl in your life who flashes her sweet smile now and then, you are bound to commit mistakes that make you regret later on, saying yes to everything she says and not laying the ground rules are one of them.
It happens often that a Thai girl asks her foreigner boyfriend to do things that he may not agree to in his home country. She makes him twirl around her little finger and claiming that’s the way things happen in Thailand. And you, to save the relationship, give in, although grudgingly.
Where does the problem lie? The problem lies in not being transparent enough and setting the ground rules. Yes, we agree that you have to understand Thai culture, you have to be sensitive to her emotions but not at the cost of being taken for granted.
A lot of men, in the initial period of dating, make the mistake of agreeing to everything that their Thai girlfriends say and later on realize the mistake.
Not sorting financial issues
In Thai society, the men play a dominant role. They take all the major decisions in the family, including financial ones. As a result, the Thai girls usually expect their boyfriends also to take the lead and play a supportive role. This often gets translated into paying all the expenses when going out with her. Splitting bills is not a popular concept in Thailand. Moreover, there is a tradition of paying a dowry to the girls’ parents in Thailand before the marriage. This may seem strange to you but the system is still prevalent. Not sorting the monetary issues is a mistake which may cause a lot of problem in later life if you are planning to marry a Thai lady.
Even after marriage, your Thai bride may continue to help her parents financially. Western men who do not understand these aspects of Thai society often get a rude shock post marriage.
I have summed up some the common mistakes that I have seen western men making while dating Thai girls. Any one of these wrong moves leave them dissatisfied with their love life and may also create a negative impression about the Thai girls. Again, I want to emphasize that not knowing the Thai culture and understanding the behavior of Thai people is the root cause of most of these mistakes.
Alright, I understand I have been talking a lot about downsides and pitfalls when is comes to dating Thai girls. So, now let us see how you can approach a Thai girl in the right way and make her your dating partner.
First, let us begin with finding the right girl.
Finding Thai girls for dating
If you’re already in Thailand and are interested in meeting someone locally, consider shopping malls, cinema halls, book shops and cafes. So, now that you know where to look for your potential date, how to approach them? As I told you before, Thais are approachable. They are friendly and helpful. You can always strike up a conversation with them and ask for directions or any kind of help. If you have already eyed a beauty whom you want to date, make sure you make the right move so that she cannot say no.
Be confident of yourself. Look and feel nice. Dress well, get a shave, a haircut and make sure that you smell nice. Once you are sure of your looks, wear your best smile. You remember that Thailand is called the Land of Smiles? So, flash your teeth properly so that you appear as a pleasant, approachable and a warm person.
Let me share a secret here. Learn a few basic Thai words and phrases as it would help you make a good impression with the girls over here. Imagine how surprised a girl would be if you greet her in the Thai way?
When talking to Thai girls, always maintain eye contact. Use your language carefully so that you sound confident but not too aggressive. I know, the line between confidence and aggression is fine but you have to tread carefully if you want to win the heart of a Thai girl.
Paying a compliment always works wonder with women and a Thai lady is no difference. However, to impress her, you need to be creative. Plenty of men before you must have told her that her smile is sweet or charming. Why don’t you try something else? Maybe the way she looks or her hair? Or maybe her taste of clothes? Beware, do not make any sexist comment that may offend her.
Be friendly in your approach. Do not make any body contact as that would be considered aggression.
Thai girls love to talk about their culture and family. So, you can safely pose a few questions to her that would make her talk a lot. This way, you would learn more about her and also be able to strike up a more interesting conversation with her. Social circles are very important to Thais and she may talk about her friends also. Show interest in them. If this is your first date, we recommend a movie first followed by dinner – that would give you a lot to talk about over the dinner.
Once you are into a conversation with her, it would be easy for you to ask her out. Do so courteously. If you have impressed her with your behavior, chances are high that she would accept your offer and go on a date with you.
So, you have won the first date. Congratulations.! Do not be surprised if she brings along a friend with her. She may even appear with a gang. That’s not very unusual here. However, as she gets to know you better, she will start going on dates with you alone pretty soon.
Now you have to do something so that she really gets impressed and says yes every time you approach her. Do not be late. Ditch your favorite jeans and tee and don a trouser and shirt.
Plan the first date. A movie and then dinner works for everyone. Choose a good Japanese restaurant. It needn’t be too upscale but a decent place where you can enjoy your privacy. For more ideas on first date, check out this blog post to ensure your first date conversation lands you a second date.
Try to keep yourself sober on your dates. Like women of your own country, a gorgeous Thai women also do not like the idea of dating someone who is addicted to alcohol. Make a plan of the things you would be discussing things she loves to do, places to visit in Thailand or the things you can do together. This would help you to keep the conversation flowing.
Thai people are not comfortable with PDA. So refrain from touching her in public. You should not think about physical intimacy unless you know her well.
Be a gentleman and offer to open the car door for her or carry her bags. Always make sure that she is comfortable with you.
Do not sweet talk much. Paying unnecessary compliments would make her doubt your intentions. If you cannot understand something ask to clarify but never make any wrong assumptions. Similrlly, considering English is a foreign language to the Thai’s, making yourself understood could also be a bit of a challenge.
If your Thai girlfriend asks you to meet her parents, understand that she is serious about you. If you also harbor the same feelings, go and meet her parents. Else refrain from visiting her home. Share your likes and dislikes with your Thai partner. It is important that she knows you to find out whether you can become a good partner.
Thai girls make excellent life partners. They are dedicated, hard working, simple and feminine. They give their men respect and importance in their life. They even leave behind their country and family to settle in a foreign country. If you find such a partner in your life consider yourself lucky and value her. Be her best friend and try to fill her life with love and happiness.
Dating a Thai girl is not easy. There would be obstacles, differences in culture may seem insurmountable at times and you may also make mistakes. Have you made any such mistake that you are regretting now? Please share with us so that others can learn from them too.